This week’s post focuses on a research project I undertook a couple of months ago, directly related to my clinical work now with clients who have left high-cost religious groups. During the project, I interviewed 15 people who had all left the same fundamental religious group. All the participants had been part of the group since childhood, and all had left 10 years ago or more. The focus of these passages is specifically on identity.
Initial Reactions After Leaving
In the first quote, one of the participants describes how they felt in the first year after leaving. The sense of overwhelm and confusion was mirrored by many of the participants.
“For me there was just a huge component of anxiety and uncertainty about my future and this kind of feeling like… I know that I want self-determination in my life. I want to choose what happens. But at the same time this, huge feeling of responsibility, of well, then, now I’m responsible for all of my choices and all of my life, and nothing in my life so far has prepared me to be responsible for myself.”
Loss of Group Identity
Then we go on to a passage from the paper regarding a more generalised experience of identity of the participants.
Whether the participant left the group of their own accord or were “sent away,” they found themselves in a new place without the identities that the group had provided. Several participants described an overwhelming feeling of confusion at this time, or feeling as though they had reverted to being a child, unable to find the strength to take control of their own lives. Others described this initial time of leaving as one where they were finally able to feel freedom and joy after a constant feeling of uncertainty when they were part of the group. These participants describe a feeling of already having left in their minds, and the physical act of leaving the property was the final stage in leaving. Perhaps the increased anxiety before leaving indicates that their identities were misaligned with the group at an earlier stage.
Rebuilding Identity in a New Culture
Later on in the paper, the ideas around rebuilding their identity in a new culture are explored. This quote from one of the participants supplies us with the imagery of being immersed in a new culture and soaking it up as if marinating in it.
“When I felt fully cooked, I was no longer marinating. I was cooked, and who I was was so great. I still change. I still grow, but now, in the normal ways that somebody changes and grows. It’s no longer this massive learning curve, just a function.”
Current Identity and the Process of Growth
This next passage continues to explore identity, but this time how participants describe their identity in the present time. Several of the participants were reluctant to categorise themselves, possibly because they felt they were still in the process of growth.
One part of this rebuilding was the reconstruction of their identity at this time. For the participants, this led to several different paths. One participant described having one identity reserved for their friends and another that they showed to the outside world in their career. Others felt that they were reluctant to put themselves in a fixed identity. This lack of a fixed identity could relate to the concept of willingness to continue to grow, something that was often brought up in relation to identity at the present time.
Emerging With a Stronger Personal Identity
Perhaps the most surprising finding regarding the identities that participants had established over time was a strong identity as solely themselves. Several participants mentioned, “I am just (name of participant),” and others expressed gratitude that they were now in a society where they were able to be a unique player who didn’t feel the need to relate to society around them.
The surprising element is that the participants came from such a communal background. The reason behind this could be that, when building a new identity, they had to rely on themselves and built a high level of self-efficacy during that time. Another explanation, which could lead to future research, is that they felt this lone identity emerging as they built their identity in adolescence, and this was one of the factors that led them to leave the group.
Conclusion
These passages present a brief snapshot of the discussion around reforming and present-day identity for participants who have left a high-cost religious group. While each participant’s story is unique, common themes such as confusion and overwhelm at the time of leaving are evident, alongside a strong sense of resilience and a desire for continued growth. As clinicians, sometimes the most valuable thing we can offer as our clients rebuild their identity is a listening ear as they share their narrative.
Read more from Sarah Harrison here.
References
Fadjukoff, P., Kokko, K., & Pulkkinen, L. (2010). Changing Economic Conditions and Identity Formation in Adulthood. European Psychologist, 15(4), 293–303. https://doi.org/10.1027/1016-9040/a000061
Marcia, J. E. (1966). Development and validation of ego-identity status. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 3(5), 551–558. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0023281
Tajfel, H., & Turner, J. C. (1979). An integrative theory of intergroup conflict. In W. G. Austin & S. Worchel (Eds.), The social psychology of intergroup relations (pp. 33–47). Monterey, CA: Brooks/Cole
