Valerio is a counsellor who specialises in trauma, couples therapy, mindfulness, somatic experiencing, and psychedelic integration therapy.
Last Updated on January 16, 2025 by It’s Complicated
Have you ever found yourself experiencing conflicting emotions and beliefs, wondering if you might have multiple personalities? This experience is more common than you might think. Often, the challenge lies in comprehending and reconciling these conflicting emotions and thoughts within ourselves.
Our society is heavily influenced by a “mono-mind” belief system, which assumes that all thoughts, emotions, impulses, and urges come from a single mind. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic model and approach developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. It offers a different perspective, one that explores the intricate inner workings of the human mind. IFS suggests that within each individual, there are various sub-personalities or Parts, each with unique characteristics, emotions, and functions.
The concept of Parts or sub-personalities is already recognized in psychology. Freud, for instance, divided the mind into the id, ego, and superego. After him, several therapeutic modalities were built around the idea of sub-personalities.
Note for the reader: I use capital letters for important keywords.
IFS IS A SYNTHESIS OF THREE PARADIGMS
- Multiplicity of mind: Each person contains many different sub-personalities.
- Systemic thinking: Intrapsychic processes are seen as a dynamic system in which different Parts interact with one another.
- Spirituality: There is a reconnection to a main Essence or Self within each person, similar to what many spiritual traditions describe.
We all experience continuous, complex interactions with our inner voice, thinking patterns, and emotions. When we lower the volume of those voices, we can connect with the Self that IFS describes. From now on, I will refer to the “System” as the sum of its Parts.

THE BASIC PREMISE OF THE IFS MODEL
- By nature, the mind contains sub-personalities or Parts. Having multiple Parts is normal and useful.
- The impact of trauma charges a Part with a burden of emotions, sensations, and memory; this makes other Parts want to protect the System from re-experiencing those feelings.
- Each Part carries a positive intention. There are no bad Parts. The goal of IFS therapy is not to get rid of Parts but to help them find a more functional and healthy role in the System.
- The changes that occur in the internal System also affect the outside world.
- Everyone has a Self. Many spiritual traditions recognize that within us, there is something unconditioned by society, often referred to as our true nature; in IFS, it is called the Self (other traditions might call it Essence).
HOW THESE PARTS WORK
We can better understand these Parts if we relate to them as individual entities within the mind. Each Part is an autonomous mental system with its own emotions, expressions, abilities, desires, and vision.
We can begin to track these Parts within ourselves by paying attention to certain indicators:
- Thought
- Feelings
- Sensations
- Memory
- Inner voices
- Words
- Dreams
- Physical symptoms
THE THREE ROLES OF PARTS
There are three roles recognized in the System, two of which are protective: Managers and Firefighters. The third role is known as Exile, which is the vulnerable Part of the System that needs protection. As the name suggests, it is hidden within the System.
MANAGER
The first category of protective Parts we usually interact with is called Managers. Their primary function is to keep the pain of the Exile deactivated by maintaining control in relationships and situations. Managers help people function in daily life and adapt to their environment.
One of the key traits of Managers is that they are socially acceptable. They adopt the beliefs, values, and biases of society in order to be accepted by others. They also carry the heavy burden of “parentifying” the Exile by controlling situations. Two of the underlying voices that characterize Managers are self-criticism and perfectionism; the hope is that by being perfect and accepted by others, no unpleasant feelings will be activated.
FIREFIGHTERS
Managers focus on keeping the person in control and protecting the System from vulnerability. When, despite a Manager’s efforts, vulnerability is triggered, Firefighters react quickly.
Just as a real firefighter extinguishes a fire and rescues people, this protector reacts when the Exile’s pain is activated, aiming to shut that pain down. Firefighters are determined to protect the System at any cost and tend to act impulsively and reactively. Although their goal is the same as that of Managers, their methods often conflict. Because of how they protect the System, Firefighters are not as socially accepted, and they often do not consider the negative impact on others or on the person’s health.
One primary strategy Firefighters use is the 3 F’s: Fighting, Flying, and Freezing. They may dissociate or numb the person by resorting to substances, activities, or distractions (e.g., drugs, sex, mindless social media use, overeating). In relationships, Firefighters can make the person very aggressive when they feel attacked, or cause them to cut someone off altogether.
Traditional therapy often views the behavior of Firefighters as pathological. IFS recognizes their intention to protect and seeks to negotiate with them.

EXILE
When we are children, we are sensitive and vulnerable. Because of this, certain experiences can have a lasting impact on us, whether through a single event or repeated experiences over time. Examples of negative experiences include:
- Attachment wounds
- Humiliation
- Violation of boundaries
- Repeated judgment
- Rejection
- Lack of attunement from parental figures
- Neglect
Due to these experiences, a young Part takes on a Burden—emotions, feelings, and beliefs associated with the situation. It’s important to clarify that the trauma does not create the Part itself; it shapes the Part by giving it a Burden.
A Burden can also be transmitted by culture, society, or family lineage. It can be seen as a virus that contaminates the Part. The key point is that these Parts believe they are the Burden, but in truth, they only carry it.
At this point, these Parts are separated and isolated from the rest of the System, which is why they are called Exiles. They still carry the memory, emotions, and sensations of the situation in which they were wounded. Other Parts fear them because, if vulnerable emotions surface, they can overwhelm the person and impair daily functioning.
From the perspective of Protectors, exiling these Parts is a means of survival and self-preservation. However, the negative consequence is that we also disconnect from positive qualities like curiosity, spontaneity, connection, and creativity.
THE SELF
IFS recognizes that everyone has a seat of consciousness called the Self. During our upbringing, we may disconnect from the Self and allow other Parts to take control of our lives. Despite this disconnection, the Self remains intact and cannot be damaged.
This disconnection is often encouraged by the people who raise us; most of us do not have parents who model the embodiment of the Self, and instead we learn to operate primarily from our Parts.
Feeling led by the Self—rather than by a Part—can involve a sense of calm, clarity, and other qualities. The Self can be recognized as the ability to observe our internal processes. Embodying the Self is not a binary state; IFS acknowledges that there are varying degrees of Self-energy.
THE QUALITY OF THE SELF OR THE 8 C’S
We can recognize the presence of the Self when one or more of these qualities is present:
- Curiosity
- Calm
- Confidence
- Compassion
- Creativity
- Clarity
- Courage
- Connectedness
One of the primary goals of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is to be guided by the Self rather than by our Parts. This is achieved by building a relationship with both our Self and our Parts. Sometimes it is effortless to tap into our Self-energy; at other times, our protective Parts may intervene because they do not yet trust the Self’s ability to lead the System.
Remember, it is rare for anyone to be in a state of pure Self while simultaneously experiencing all eight of these qualities.
THE GOAL OF IFS THERAPY
In IFS therapy, we don’t aim to get rid of any Part. Instead, we strive to help Parts release their Burden so they can cooperate harmoniously. This allows us to reconnect with the Self, which becomes the healing agent for the Exile and the energy that manages the System.
As we develop a deeper connection with the Self, the various Parts of our personality do not disappear. Instead, they learn to take a backseat and no longer play as dominant a role as they once did. This shift can lead to greater balance, harmony, and integrity in our lives, ultimately allowing us to bring more positive energy into the world.
If you would like more detailed information about IFS, you can explore these articles:
- WHAT IS INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEM
- Discovering IFS: Meeting the Protecting System
- Discovering IFS: Meeting the Exile and the Self
- Discovering IFS: Polarization, Armony and Self Leadership
RECOMMENDED READINGS
- Internal Family Systems Therapy – Richard C. Schwartz
- No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness With the Internal Family Systems Model – Richard C. Schwartz
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