Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) is an approach that helps people stop fighting difficult emotions and instead learn to face them without being overwhelmed. It does not mean giving up or pretending everything is fine: it means making space for a feeling so you can respond to it more clearly.
Have you ever been told to “just accept how you feel”, and immediately thought, “no, thanks”?
For many people, the idea of acceptance sounds a lot like giving up: letting the situation win, getting stuck. So it’s no surprise that when I bring up acceptance with clients, I often get resistance. But here is the thing: acceptance is not about surrendering or pretending everything is okay. Acceptance is about learning to face emotions as they are, without getting overwhelmed by them.
When you are going through something difficult, a breakup, loss, parenting challenges, or personal health struggles, it is common to feel overwhelmed, as though life is slipping out of control. Reaching out for help during such times is not a weakness; it is a strength. What if the way forward is not to fight your emotions, but to understand them?
How Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Helps With Strong Emotions
So how can Acceptance and Commitment Therapy help you manage intense emotions and stress? Here are some practical steps inspired by ACT principles.
Identify What You Can and Cannot Control
Start by drawing a circle. Inside it, write what you can control, such as your actions, routines and coping strategies. Outside the circle, write what you cannot control, such as other people’s behaviour, external events, or certain emotional reactions.
Stop and Name the Emotion
Take a moment to stop and breathe. Pay attention to what you are feeling. Are you experiencing anger, frustration or sadness? Naming the emotion can help you gain distance from it.
Allow the Emotion to Be Present
Notice where it sits in your body: your shoulders, your chest, your stomach. Do you need to cry? Give yourself the same compassion you would offer a friend: it is okay to feel tired, or guilty, or however you feel; everybody experiences this sometimes.
Practise Mindfulness
Use grounding techniques to stay present, such as breathing for one minute, then identifying three things you see, three things you hear and three things you feel, then two of each, then one. You can also visualise a place where you feel safe and calm, imagining it in detail.
Take Care of Yourself
What helps you calm down or feel good? This could be listening to music, talking to a friend, or doing something creative like painting or playing an instrument. Sometimes rest is what you need most.
Create Distance From Negative Thoughts (Cognitive Defusion)
Write your thoughts down. Seeing them on paper can help you recognise that you are not your thoughts or emotions: they are temporary experiences that will pass.
Commit to Your Values
ACT emphasises taking action based on your values. Emotions can point you toward what matters to you. Even in difficult situations, reflecting on your values can help you decide your next steps in a meaningful way.
What Acceptance Does and Does Not Mean
Acceptance does not mean liking what is happening, or giving up on change. It means acknowledging that an emotion is present and giving it space, without judgement or resistance.
Emotions serve a purpose and carry information: they tell us what matters, what hurts, and what needs attention. Many of us were never taught how to understand or work with emotions. Instead, we learned to push them away, ignore them, or numb them, often at the cost of our wellbeing.
The shift is subtle but significant: instead of fighting your inner experience, you begin to work with it. From that place, it becomes easier to focus on what you can control and take meaningful steps guided by your values.
By learning to accept emotions, focus on what you can control, and act according to your values, you can navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience and clarity.
If you are finding it hard to manage difficult emotions on your own, working with a therapist trained in ACT can help. You can explore therapists on It’s Complicated or use the matching service to be paired with someone suited to your situation.
References
Psychology Today Staff. (2022, March 21). Acceptance and commitment therapy. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy
Cleveland Clinic. (2024, September 30). Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act-therapy
