Uta Rothermel

— POSITIONING —
In couple counseling, there are different schools and styles. Mapping them, I’d position myself as follows:

1. problem oriented vs. solution oriented: Classic therapy helps analyze issues to find the root cause, focusing on healing. Coaching helps navigate a given situation. I am closer to coaching.
2. marriage centric vs polyamory supportive: I try to maintain an unbiased approach to diverse relationship models, and do not believe any one model is superior. I see relationship models as a choice and not as a consequence of an identity or natural needs.
3. relationship oriented vs differentiation oriented: some schools focus on communication, relating, and strengthening the relationship, others focus more on strengthening the individuals, desire, and movement, often changing the relationship. I am the latter.
4. sex- and relationship therapy: most couple counselors are not sex therapists.
5. confrontational and humorous vs. emotional and embodied: while emotions are a window to how we experience a situation and I welcome them, I do not generally reinforce them. I have had fantastic and transformative sessions entirely without tears

My work is heavily centered around agency, personal freedom and desire. I help to shed light on all the many assumptions under which we operate so that you can decide which ones to stick with. I firmly believe that we choose how we relate, just not always fully. So how can we choose more fully, how can we own our relationships, how can we address a choice that has become stale? These are the questions that move me and that I’ve studied all my life.

Relationships can bring out the best but also the darkest sides in us. Addressing disappointment, resentment, and even hate can go a long way in enabling empowering encounters. After all: the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. We usually begin counseling assuming that we will work on the relationship between two people. But in reality, we often address how you relate to yourself and to the world, and how your romantic relationship mirrors that.

— TOPICS —
Often, my clients arrive feeling stuck or caught. I believe freedom and agency reside amid connection and choice. So how do we make decisions, how do we choose when to move and when not to move? Very often we become unstuck once we resolve an internal conflict. Typical conflicts are:

• I love my partner but I am not happy in the relationship
• We are comfortable together but the desire seems gone
• I have a vision for the relationship but do not know how to get there
• parenting conflicts
• household, financial, center of life conflicts
• lifestyle mismatch
• desire collapsed but used to be there
• I have something to tell my partner but don’t want to loose them
• I want to change the relationship but not hurt my partner
• we fight but don’t know why
• one wants a(nother) baby, one doesn’t
• conflict between freedom and security

I used to be a career manager with a background in social work and consulting. My corporate background informs my approach as much as my background in Social Work. The work I do came to me as a hobby turned interest turned passion, it is not something I had planned for in my life. With 15 years experience including 5 years running my own holistic practice, I could not be happier about this development, and more grateful for the huge trust that continues to be placed in me.

— METHODS —
My methods I draw mostly from:

• Gestalt Therapy and Anarchist Theory
• Transactional Analysis and Internal Family Systems
• Betzavta
• Psychodrama and Constellation Work
• Confrontational pedagogy
• Relational dynamics
• Somatic Experiencing
• Integral Theory

Colleagues I am most impressed with include Joe Hudson, Peter Levine, Fritz Perls, Ralph Hefferline, Paul Goodman, and of course Esther Perel but also Alain de Botton and Ken Wilber. The inspiration to pursue sex- and relationship therapy came through Cristoph Josep Ahlers whose book I would recommend to any German reading person.

— TESTIMONIALS —

"My partner and I worked with Uta in a series of couples' sessions and had a phenomenal experience. Her direct, yet humorous approach helped me and my partner work through a challenging phase and learn new ways of communicating and relating to each other. I would highly recommend her for anyone seeking couples therapy!"

"I have been at Uta's couple's counselling with my partner and would recommend her to everyone seeking couples counselling.
Uta is able to create an environment in which you feel listened to, accepted, cared for and safe. Her calm way of asking questions in an open, not judging way smoothes the room. Still, she always points to the issues we brought to be worked on. She can make you identify underlying problems and dynamics while making you feel seen and never invading your privacy. Thank you for all the great sessions!"

Opened my own holistic therapy space in 2021.

since 2017 sex and relationship counselor in private practice in Berlin since 2015 researching and lecturing at protestant university of applied sciences Berlin since 2012 freelance counselor and mediator

2023 License as Non-Medical Practitioner for Psychotherapy (HPG)

2018 MSc Innovation Management, Entrepreneurship and Sustainability, TU Berlin

2028 MSc Business Administration, University of Twente

2015 Sex and relationship therapist (Institut für Beziehungsdynamik)

2014 Social Worker (B.A.) (Protestant University of Applied Sciences Berlin)

2013 Coach (Coaching Institut Berlin)

2012 Mediator (Berlin Open Space Cooperative)

My biggest teachers are my children.