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Learn more about self-harm
Self-harm is when someone hurts themselves as a way of coping with difficult or overwhelming feelings. It is often described clinically as Non-Suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI), because for many people it is a way of managing emotional pain rather than an attempt to end their life, though the two can sometimes overlap. Self-harm is more common than many people realise, and it is not a sign of weakness, attention-seeking, or manipulation: it is usually a signal that someone is dealing with more pain than they currently have other ways to manage. People who self-harm deserve understanding and support, and with help, most people find other ways to cope and move beyond it.
Many people who self-harm carry it privately, sometimes for a long time, and reaching out can feel difficult. You don't have to be in crisis to deserve support.
Support might help if:
- You use physical pain as a way to cope with emotional pain, or to feel something when you feel numb
- The urge to self-harm returns when emotions become overwhelming
- You feel shame or secrecy around it, and carry it alone
- Difficult feelings build up with no other outlet that works for you
- Self-harm has become a way of coping that you'd like to understand or change
- You want to talk to someone who won't react with shock or judgement
Therapy for self-harm works by understanding and easing the emotional pain underneath it, and building other ways to cope, rather than focusing only on stopping the behaviour. Where self-harm is part of a wider difficulty, these approaches work alongside appropriate clinical care.
DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) was developed in part to help with self-harm, and teaches concrete skills for tolerating distress, regulating emotions, and staying steady in difficult moments. It has strong evidence in this area.
CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) helps you recognise the thoughts and situations that precede the urge to self-harm, and develop alternative responses. It suits people who want a structured, practical approach.
CFT (Compassion-Focused Therapy) directly addresses the shame and harsh self-criticism that often accompany self-harm, helping build a kinder internal voice. It can help when self-directed anger is part of the picture.
Trauma informed care shapes therapy around safety and trust, which matters because self-harm is often connected to earlier painful experiences. It ensures the work never adds to the distress it aims to ease.
Psychodynamic therapy explores the deeper emotional patterns and experiences that underlie self-harm. It can help when the difficulty feels long-standing or hard to put into words.
Choosing an approach isn't something you have to do alone. IC's matching can pair you with a therapist whose approach suits your situation. Get matched.
It's Complicated is a therapist-founded mental health platform connecting clients with verified practitioners across Europe and globally, in over 60 languages. The platform is free to use, with over 2,500 vetted therapists offering in-person sessions in cities including Berlin, Amsterdam, Barcelona, Lisbon, and Vienna, alongside online sessions worldwide.
It's Complicated is not a crisis service, but it is a place to find ongoing, judgement-free support from a therapist who understands self-harm. Finding the right person matters here more than most, and our matching service is built to help. You complete a short survey, our psychologists combine data-driven insights with human judgement to identify the right therapists for your situation, and you choose from a shortlist of strong candidates. You can also browse our directory directly if you'd prefer to choose yourself.
Get matched with a therapist who understands self-harm, or browse all therapists in the directory.
If you need support right now and cannot keep yourself safe, please contact a crisis line or your local emergency number.
