Many of us have found ourselves in situations where it felt like the ground was slipping from under our feet, where we had no control over what was happening.
This feeling can become especially strong when we are far from home, from our loved ones, from our familiar roots, and from our native language.
It can be extremely distressing. The external and internal sources of safety we once relied on seem to disappear.
A lack of control reduces our sense of security, uncertainty makes us emotionally more unstable, the world around us feels more unpredictable, and our stress levels increase.
Often, however, the price of restoring some balance is a maladaptive coping strategy. When we cannot find the right kind of support, we tend to reach for something that is still available to us even in difficult moments. One such “anchor” is our relationship with food.
Overcontrol: When Eating Becomes Restrictive
One common reaction is to turn to eating as a last resort. One way this shows up is through increased control, which can appear as restrictive eating, such as anorexia nervosa, or as an obsession with healthy eating, known as orthorexia nervosa.
Anorexia nervosa (AN) is a well-known disorder characterised by an extreme restriction of calorie intake. It can lead to a range of serious health conditions and has one of the highest mortality rates among psychiatric disorders. The earlier it begins, the more severe the consequences may be, such as delayed growth, reduced bone density, absence of menstruation (amenorrhea), and, as a result, difficulties with fertility. In addition to restricting food intake, excessive exercise is also common.
At its core, individuals often experience their food intake as the last remaining area where they still have control.
Orthorexia nervosa, or an obsession with healthy eating, involves creating personal rules about what is considered “healthy,” and then organising one’s life around these rules. The problem is that these rules are often extremely rigid and may lack a real scientific basis. People with orthorexic tendencies may develop a sense of moral superiority and become critical of others who do not follow the same dietary principles. Certain foods may be given symbolic or “pure” meanings, making them seem more desirable. There may also be strict rules about how food is prepared or where it is purchased.
In reality, these habits and rules often lead to social isolation. They can take up a significant amount of time and mental energy, placing food at the centre of thinking while taking energy away from other areas of life. Over time, the diet may become very limited, which can lead to nutritional deficiencies.
A common feature of restrictive eating patterns is that the body eventually pushes back, and prolonged restriction can lead to episodes of binge eating.
Loss of Control: When Eating Becomes a Release
Uncertainty in our environment can also lead to the opposite pattern: a breakdown of control in eating.
In these cases, binge eating episodes may occur, during which a person consumes a significantly larger amount of food than usual within a short period of time, often within about an hour, accompanied by a sense of loss of control and distress. The discomfort that follows may lead to self-induced vomiting, which can indicate bulimia nervosa and can damage tooth enamel and irritate the oesophagus.
On an emotional level, binge eating is often followed by self-critical thoughts, shame, and a decrease in self-esteem, creating a vicious cycle. In my experience, it is very difficult to break out of this pattern alone.
How Therapy Approaches Eating Disorders
When a client comes to therapy with an eating disorder, we do not only focus on their eating behaviour. We also explore different areas of their life, especially where imbalance is present, and work on restoring that balance. As a person begins to feel safer and more stable, the need for these symptom-based coping strategies often decreases.
A shift in what feels like “normal” eating is usually a symptom of deeper processes. In therapy, we aim to understand these underlying factors and find coping strategies that actually address the problem, rather than creating new ones.
Not every coping strategy brings us closer to a solution.
As my father once said: one shot of spirit does not solve the problem, it only adds another one.
If you feel that your relationship with food has become your primary way of coping with life’s uncertainties, you can find a therapist on It’s Complicated who works with eating difficulties, stress, and the challenges of navigating life abroad.
Zsuzsa Menczel is a psychologist and counselling psychologist (PhD) based in Budapest. She works with individuals navigating uncertainty, emotional instability, and difficulties with eating, drawing on her clinical expertise to explore the underlying factors behind maladaptive coping. Find Zsuzsa on It’s Complicated.
