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Learn more about perfectionism
Perfectionism is a pattern of setting excessively high standards for oneself, accompanied by a tendency to be highly self-critical when those standards are not met. Unlike ordinary conscientiousness or high ambition, perfectionism is driven not by genuine engagement with quality but by fear: fear of failure, inadequacy, or the judgement of others. It is associated with anxiety, burnout, and eating disorders, and can lead to procrastination, avoidance, and significant distress. Perfectionism is not a formal diagnosis, but it is a well-recognised psychological pattern that responds well to therapy.
Perfectionism often goes unrecognised because many of its features are socially rewarded, at least initially.
- You set standards for yourself that are rarely, if ever, met, and the gap feels like failure rather than progress
- Mistakes or criticism affect you more deeply and for longer than you would like
- You procrastinate on tasks because starting feels too risky if the result might not be good enough
- You find it difficult to delegate, because others will not do things to the standard you expect
- Your sense of worth is heavily tied to achievement, productivity, or what you accomplish
- You are exhausted by the effort required to maintain an appearance of competence or control
- You struggle to enjoy success because the focus immediately shifts to what could have been better
Several approaches are effective for perfectionism, depending on whether the focus is on specific thought patterns, deeper beliefs, or the relationship with difficulty and imperfection.
- CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) CBT addresses the rigid rules, all-or-nothing thinking, and self-critical evaluations that drive perfectionism, using behavioural experiments to test the beliefs and build more flexible responses.
- CFT (Compassion-focused therapy) CFT works directly with the harsh self-criticism at the core of perfectionism, building a more compassionate internal response to mistakes, limitations, and falling short.
- Schema therapy Schema therapy addresses the deep-rooted beliefs about conditional worth or inadequacy that typically underlie perfectionism, working at a more foundational level than symptom-focused approaches alone.
- ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) ACT builds the capacity to tolerate imperfection and act in alignment with values, reducing the dominance of fear-based standards in decision-making and daily life.
- Psychodynamic therapy Psychodynamic work explores where the perfectionist pattern was learnt, including the relational and developmental experiences in which conditions for approval or acceptance were first established.
It's Complicated is a therapist-founded mental health platform connecting clients with verified practitioners across Europe and globally, in over 60 languages. We work with over 2,500 vetted therapists, with in-person availability in Berlin, Amsterdam, Barcelona, Lisbon, Vienna, and other major cities, alongside online sessions worldwide. It's Complicated is free to use, and you pay your chosen therapist directly at rates they set.
Perfectionism can make the process of finding the right therapist feel like another standard to meet. Our matching service is built to remove that friction. You complete a short survey, our psychologists combine data-driven insights with human judgement to identify the right therapists for your situation, and you choose from a shortlist of strong candidates. You can also browse our directory directly if you'd prefer to choose yourself.
Get matched with a therapist who specialises in perfectionism, or browse the directory.
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