How It's Complicated works
1
Find your therapistUse our free matching service for personal recommendations, or browse our network of 2,500+ therapists yourself.
2
Create your free accountSign up in under 2 minutes. All you need is an email and a password, and you're ready to go.
3
Start therapyReach out to your therapist and book your first session within 24 hours. Online or in person, in 60+ languages.
Learn more about narcissistic abuse
Narcissistic abuse is a pattern of emotional and psychological harm caused by someone with narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder. It usually unfolds gradually and can be hard to recognise, because it often begins with intense affection before shifting into manipulation, criticism, and control. Narcissistic abuse can happen in romantic relationships, families, friendships, or at work. Because it is rarely obvious from the outside, and often isn't physical, many people live with it for a long time before naming it. If you want to understand the traits behind this behaviour, our page on narcissism covers that; this page is about support for those affected by it.
Recognising narcissistic abuse is often the hardest part, because the harm is designed to make you doubt yourself. If any of this feels familiar, support can help:
- Constantly questioning your own memory, judgement, or sanity (often the result of gaslighting)
- Feeling you are "walking on eggshells" to avoid conflict or criticism
- A cycle of intense affection followed by coldness, criticism, or withdrawal
- Feeling responsible for the other person's moods and blamed for their behaviour
- Losing confidence, or a sense of who you are outside the relationship
- Isolation from friends, family, or the things that used to matter to you
- Anxiety, exhaustion, or feeling on edge much of the time
Recovering from narcissistic abuse takes time, and therapy focuses on rebuilding self-trust, processing the harm, and re-establishing a sense of who you are. Several trauma-aware approaches suit this.
- Trauma-informed care shapes all good work in this area, prioritising safety, pacing, and your sense of control throughout.
- CFT: Compassion-Focused Therapy helps counter the shame and self-blame narcissistic abuse instils, rebuilding a kinder relationship with yourself.
- EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing helps the brain reprocess distressing memories, useful where the abuse has left traumatic or intrusive memories.
- Counselling offers steady space to make sense of the experience, name what happened, and rebuild at your own pace.
- IFS: Internal Family Systems helps you reconnect with the parts of yourself the abuse damaged or silenced, without being overwhelmed by them.
It's Complicated is a therapist-founded mental health platform connecting clients with verified practitioners across Europe and globally, in over 60 languages. We work with over 2,500 vetted therapists, with in-person availability in Berlin, Amsterdam, Barcelona, Lisbon, Vienna, and other major cities, alongside online sessions worldwide. It's Complicated is free to use, and you pay your chosen therapist directly at rates they set.
After narcissistic abuse, trusting your own judgement enough to choose a therapist can feel daunting, which is part of what the abuse erodes. Our matching service is built to remove that friction. You complete a short survey, our psychologists combine data-driven insights with human judgement to identify therapists experienced in narcissistic abuse and trauma, and you choose from a shortlist of strong candidates. You can also browse our directory directly if you'd prefer to choose yourself.
Get matched with a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse, or browse the directory to choose yourself.
